Thursday, June 4, 2020

Dark Night Of The Soul




Dark Night Of The Soul

Today I will take you down the path that I have been on for the past month and some change. The path to the dark night of the soul is one of loss, and grief. As you well know, I have recently lost a very close soul to me in my beloved pet of more then 10 years. When I was first made aware of the situation in which he was in, I was immediately thrown into the decision making responsibility, which put his life into my hands. This process automatically started a chain reaction in my life, which lead me to embarking on the journey into the dark night of the soul. This path is rife with sadness, anger, grief, rage, disappointment, denial, and disbelief. As I worked my way through these emotions, I started out with sadness, and disbelief. In fact, I am still dealing with these right now. The impact they have on my life isn't as pronounced, but they are still my daily companions. Next for me in the process came anger, with some rage sprinkled in there. I am still also dealing with this one, and it comes on all of a sudden, and I have to honor the grieving process, so I do my best to allow this to happen as naturally as possible. However, sometimes this tears me down, in that moment. For me, the next stop was disbelief, and disappointment. These came to me as a pair, and I had to deal with the fact that my buddy, the Buddha, was gone, permanently. That still hurts for me to see, but I know that it's a fact now. So, that's how my journey has been so far. Keep in mind that not everyone will have the same journey. Your departure onto the path of the dark night of your soul may look a lot different then mine. However, some common themes to keep in mind will be sadness, deep sorrow, and the disbelief of what is happening. Something else that I forgot to mention is the empty feeling that I have felt almost since day one post Buddha. The feeling of emptiness in myself, and my house. Actually, my entire life feels empty now because of the loss I have suffered.


What Do I Do Now?

At this point in the process, if you have ever been through a loss, or go through one in the future, you will be wondering, ok, now what? Rightly so. To be honest, there is no "easy way" to get to the end of this type of a process. Loss and grief needs time to be processed, and you need time to heal. Both physically, and psychologically. There is no "right way" or "wrong way" to go through this type of experience. It just kind of happens the way it's supposed to. For me, I journaled A LOT, in the first few weeks of my loss. Along with this journaling was a huge amount of shedding tears. I can't remember the last time that I cried so much, or for so long. Keep in mind that if you are going through a loss like this, that you need to allow yourself to experience the process as much as possible. It's not going to be easy, and yes it will hurt deep inside. But going through the process, and getting onto the path that leads to the dark night of the soul is the only way to the end point of the healing process. So, what you do now is what comes natural to you, as in individual. Whatever works, FOR YOU.


When Will This Pain Go Away? 

This is one of the hardest parts to go through when someone is experiencing loss, and going through the path of recovery. The pain one feels comes from deep inside. It almost feels like it's coming from somewhere so deep within that it's difficult to imagine ever being able to feel "normal" again. This part is highly dependent on how much "work" the individual is willing to do with themselves, and how often they are able to dive deep into the emotions that this part involves. Again, this is unique to each individual, and will differ for every person. Thus, what may take me six months to go through in my healing process may take someone else only two months. But keep in mind that you must work through the pain in order for it to dissipate.


All Better In The End

Finally, at the end of this process, which I am not at yet, there is the obvious change that one will experience when they get up in the morning. For the first time in a long time, they may feel happy. Or they may actually WANT to do something. They may feel drawn to go see a friend they have not talked to in months. This part is one of the best parts of the dark night of the soul journey. So, if you happen to be going through this process right now, understand that there are others out there that know what you are experiencing. Understanding that they will have a different path then you, but there will be an understanding that they can have that even some of your closest family members may not have to offer you.


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Until next entry,

D

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