Grieving Again

 

Time to heal some more

It has been two years and almost four months now since I lost my buddy, and I am still healing. I did find a "new" cat that I took on for about a year, but, I surrendered her today to the local shelter because I am still not ready. I originally took her because she looked exactly like the Christed Buddha. But, she wasn't him, and that took me a little while to learn. So, now I am alone again, and I am not looking for another kitty until I have fully grieved and really feel I am ready for another pet. 

 

Working on getting back "home"

Also, I am now living in the Midwest part of the country, and as they say hind sight is always 20/20, I am now seeing that the move was one of the worst decisions I have made as of late. My intent was to be closer to family, but that "reason" didn't pan out like I thought it would. 

 

Stay tuned

So, that's about all I had to say this time, and I will do what I can to post again soon. My intent is to get back to the south as soon as I can, but it is proving more challenging then I thought it would be. However, I will continue my forward movement.

Until next time,

D

Waves Of Grief Persist

 

It is coming up on six months of me loosing my little buddy, the Christed Buddha, and every time I believe that I am done with the process, the grieving and emotions persist. Today has been one of the hardest days for me to get through in a while. Lets discuss some reasons this may be. 

How long should I be grieving?

I believe I have mentioned in one of my other blogs about how "long" the grieving process "should" be. Most sources agree, like this quote from Scientific Ameircan "Symptoms of acute grief after the loss of a pet can last from one to two months, with symptoms of grief persisting up to a full year (on average)." Notice that I underline "average" as people are different, and because of this, will experience grief in different ways, and for different times. So, even though it has been almost six month for me now, that doesn't mean that my grieving is done. As one continues to go through this process, it will unfold in ways that may be familiar to them, or it may be something all together new. For me personally, it has been a mixed bag of some familiar feelings, as well as some new emotional territory to go through. 

Dealing with loss as an empath

Something else that I wanted to touch on in a blog of it's own is dealing with loss as an empath. However, I believe taking this opportunity to deal with this topic would be advantages. An empath is a person that has feelings, and thus emotions that run extremely deep. Most times much deeper than a "normal" person feels on the inth degree type of level. Empths also feel emotions from people, situations, and animals deeply as well. So, being an empath, and having to deal with loss, and consequently, emotional grieving, you can imagine that it gets rough some times. However, being able to connect to other empaths that can understand what one is going through, and support them in times of distress is extremely helpful. 

What Is An Empath?

The CB helped to balance me out

The longer that I find myself dealing with this loss, and feeling emotions as deeply as I do, it's very challenging some times to continue on. Being an empath, my lil buddy helped me balance my life out, as he was always there to comfort me in times of need, and support me, so to speak, just by physically being in my space. In addition to being an empath, I'm also a combat veteran. So, there is another layer of sensitivity that I have to deal with when going out into the world. When the Christed Buddha was still here, I was able to be in the world daily without to much issue because he would help to balance me out and ground me in this moment. Now, that support is gone..  and I feel like a "nerve" so to speak, out in the chaotic, and loud world. 😔 

Doing my best to honor the process

So, in conclusion, I can say that I am ready to be done with this grieving process. However, I want to honor the memory of my lil buddy, and give him the respect, and love that he deserves in my grieving process. I also want to do my best to be gentle with myself, and allow the process to continue in it's own time frame. I'll continue to blog on this topic as I need to, as often as feels right. 

Until next time, remember to pay attention to your emotions, and give them to space and respect that they deserve. 

D

Mining the moon, and where I am am currently

 

It's been a little bit since I've done a blog, so I wanted to touch base and talk about a fun topic. So, lets see what mining the moon is all about. 

Where I'm At Now

First I want to get you caught up to where I am personally right now. It has been five months now tomorrow since I lost my buddy, the Christed Buddha. It has been a very rough road, but I have done my best to process my loss, and grief, and move forward step by step in the new reality that I have in my life. In addition to being in a new place with my grieving process, I have also come to the conclusion that finding a job right now, in the field that I received my diploma in, while desired, may not manifest right away. At least not until we are on the other side of all of this "propaganda" that the system is pushing about this "virus". That wraps up where I am for the most part personally. Now on to the fun stuff. 

 

Trump Signs Executive Order

Yes, you read the title of this blog correctly, mining the moon. In fact, believe it or not, back in April, president Trump signed and executive order to get the ball rolling on mining the moon. In my mind, when humanity got to the year 2020, I envisioned flying cars, vacations to mars, and inter solar system travel. Yet, here we are still driving fossil fuel vehicles, using coal for energy, and still using cash as a medium of exchange for goods and services. So, "mining the moon" may be a small step in the direction of a more "star trek" type of reality. 

 

Mining The Moon

According to the article, we are going to the moon to mine "water ice and other lunar resources". I never really thought about going to the moon to mine for water, and other lunar resources, but it's an interesting idea. I'm ready to start seeing the enterprise star ship in the news every day, and be informed about it's adventures out in deep space. Maybe I'll see that when I get old. But, who knows. 

Lots Going On

If we look at some of the interesting events that have taken place in the past few years, we have someone that sent their car into space, we have the pentagon declassifying actual UFO footage, among other situations happening. So, things seem to be moving forward, just slowly. Or, slowly for me. 

 

Thanks For Reading

I guess that's all I have right now. As always, feel free to comment below, and subscribe to my blog via the option in the upper right corner. 

Until next time, keep an open mind, and remember, as Mulder always said, "The Truth Is out There".

D

Month Number Four Processing Loss

Paw Print Pic courtesy of Paw Print Memorial Stone Mold Pet Grave marker

I know it's been a bit since I posted anything, and I want to say sorry about that. However, I enjoy posting blogs for you, and I want to continue to do this as long as I am able.

Still dealing with loss

As you can see from the pic for this post, I am still dealing with the loss of my buddy. I had a breakthrough the week before last, and I was thinking to myself, "I'm finally done with grieving". As it turns out, that was just a short respite from the daily loss that I was dealing with. I am doing better, but apparently, not quiet finished with the entire grieving process just yet.

Working on something else

I wasn't really planning on doing this particular blog, as I am working on another one that I believe you will all find enlightening, and informative. But, as things have happened, I wanted to post this just to touch base, and to share the video I have posted below for your viewing. It's number two for me in the processing I am going through to remember, and memorialize my lil buddy.

Feel free to comment

As always, feel free to share any thoughts that may come up below, and I appreciate your support. Also, if your going through a loss of your own, whether it be a pet or someone else, do your best to be gentle with yourself, and allow the process to take the time it needs. For me, it's going on four months now, and according to the book I discussed in one of my previous posts, Soul Comfort For Cat Lovers, the grieving process can take as long as a year to complete. However, also remember that everyone is different and unique.

Christed Buddha Remembrance 2

 

Until we meet again,

D

More Then A Pet

I wanted to take some time and reflect on how I'm doing with my loss processing for this blog. So, here we go.

A friend told me

A good friend sent a message recently, and commented on how they enjoyed this blog. Specifically they said they appreciated my openness and honesty with how I discussed my grieving process, and put everything out there. They also said something to the effect that pets are more then "just" pets. This is what I wanted to discuss today.

Pets are our friends, and more

I can attest to the truth of the words that pets are more then just pets. My experience with my buddy, the Christed Buddha taught me how much a part of ones life a "pet" can be. If we take this situation and just look at it from an objective perspective, we can see that these precious friends that we allow into our homes, care for daily, and take up space on our beds, couches, or chairs, end up attaching themselves to our hearts, our consciousness, our very being. They also take up time and space in our daily lives. For example, I had a routine that I used to practice daily of getting up, and giving Buddha his breakfast to get my day off to a start. I also had other responsibilities that ingrained the idea of the Buddha being in my life for some time. These included changing the litter when needed, going to the pet store for food, picking up his medication at the vet, etc. All of these little routines added up to one big impact on my life, in the form of unconditional love, and appreciation from my buddy. I could even go out on a limb and say that we had an ideal arrangement for both of us. I cared for him, and he supported me, in more ways then I can say here.

It's OK to love your pet

I can also say that it's ok to feel a love, dare I say even an affection, for our furry family members. As I have discussed in another blog, in this day and age, it's time for males to feel ok with showing their emotions, and this includes showing the affection for a beloved furry family member. It doesn't matter what it is. Even if it doesn't have fur, that's ok to. These amazing creatures have come into our lives for a specific reason, and to help comfort us in times of need. As a veteran, I can even say that my buddy helped me through quite a few intense times that I experienced being in a civilian focused world. For me, the bottom line is that pets, it seems, teach us humans to have an open heart, and sow us how loving unconditionally can feel.

Not what I thought would happen

If you would have known me when I first rescued the Christed Buddha, you would not have thought that we would have been able to get so intertwined into each others lives, but it happened. I didn't even think to myself at the time that we would get this close. In fact, I had never had a cat for as long as I had the Buddha. I had other cats in the past, but I was never one for staying in one place for to long. So, my "gypsy" life style wasn't conducive to that of keeping and caring for a cat for an extended period of time. However, looking back on the time that we were together, today, I can say that it went by WAY to fast. 😭

Open your heart, your pet is waiting

So, if you have a pet, and you enjoy their company, make it a point to open your heart fully to allowing them be who they are truly meant to be with you. Do your best to not judge them by the limited ideas that society try and program us with. Just accept them for who they are, in this moment, and I can guarantee that your buddy, no matter what they look like, will find ways to touch your heart like you never thought possible.

Again, this is not the direction I thought this blog would go, but I appreciate your support, and would love more comments that help me to continue to develop it.

I will leave you with this quote today. “What greater gift than the love of a cat.”
― Charles Dickens

Until next time,

D

The Grieving Process Of Loss Continues

Not What I Planned

The process of working through my loss is still under way. I did not plan this blog to be so focused on what I am going through personally right now, however, it's possible that what I am posting for all to read may one day help someone, somewhere that knows exactly how I feel, and will read my words, and appreciate that I have shared them. To that end, I will continue to share as I am able.

Physical Effects Of Grief

As I am continuing this process, I have noticed other physical experiences manifest to a degree. So, I did a web search and learned that when one has a traumatic loss in their lives of a beloved family member, or anyone whom they loved whole heartedly, they will most times experience more than just the emotions of grief, sadness, anger, and loss. They may also experience some physical things that manifest into their lives because of the loss itself. The loss of appetite, thus not eating, sleeping more then normal, not being as active, etc. I have experienced some of this myself, and I wasn't sure if it was something that was happening with my body, or if it was something I was experiencing because of the loss I am dealing with. I do what I can to be gentle with myself, but even now, almost two full months after I lost my buddy, I am still struggling to find any positive outlook on life daily. This is normal, as per the training that I had in my social work classes, but I did not expect my loss to hit me so hard, or last this long.

To learn more about other potential symptoms one might go through when grieving a loss, you can check this web site and read the article.

How to Cope With the Physical Effects of Grief

Empty Feeling Still Around

Something that seems to be a constant companion of mine on this journey is the empty feeling I have, which could be attributed to my buddy no longer being here physically, but the empty feeling goes beyond the physical. Every day I wake up, and most days I go over in my mind, if I should even get out of bed. When my buddy was still here, I had to get up and feed him his breakfast, which would get my day of to a start. There was a structure to my life that I enjoyed, that is no longer there. Me and the Christed Buddha had a beneficial arrangement that worked very well for the both of us. I cared for him, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and he cared for me, in many of the same ways. There is a belief that states that our beloved pets remain after they have crossed over. Their energy, if you will, remains to help us humans to cope with their loss. I have not experienced this myself, which could be why I feel so empty, and directionless most days. The feeling of being numb to the world fits me very well where I am on my path right now.

The Process Will End

Eventually I know things will improve, but I'm not sure exactly when that will be. Again, I'm doing my best not to rush the process, as every individual experiences this differently. But, right now, in this moment, I am ready to not feel so sad, and empty, and not having a direction. I want to feel happy, and be able to appreciate the beauty of the world once again... some day soon.

Until next blog, thank you for your visiting with me, and your comments.

D

P.S. Here is another article written for those whom have lost their pets.

Bereavement: Grief After The Loss of A Pet

Two Universal Truths

My Buddy - The Christed Buddha

As we are going through these times of challenging uncertainty, there are two things that have been put onto my path recently. These two universal truths that are my ever present companion are change and loss.

As if being on this planet right now, and having to endure the times that we are in were not enough, some of us have had to endure more. I myself had to experience a loss of major proportions recently. An unexpected, and shocking situation that came out of nowhere. This experience was the necessity of putting my cat to sleep. Understand that this was not "just my pet". He was my buddy, my support, and my companion in life. I rescued him when I was living in Charlotte, over ten years ago, and we learned to live with one another relatively easily. He was in every part of my life, and as a veteran, helped me through more times than I can count because of my need to isolate sometimes from the civilian world.

It's been just over two weeks now since I had to let my buddy the Buddha go, and there are still emotions that come up for me to deal with. Again, in order to understand where I am coming from, you have to be able to know that a pet can sometimes be like a family member, or possibly something more. I sometimes thought that we may have even been soul family, and that I had a "clause" in my contract that I signed before I chose to manifest in this particular life time that said something to the effect that "you will find and care for one another to the best of your ability".

I have to say that I am still taken a back somewhat at the bond that I developed with my buddy. It's amazing to me to think that one can become so attached to an animal, which filled more space in my life then just being a pet.

So, as we all continue to maneuver through these times, remember that there may be those others out in society that have had to endure more hardship then you can understand at this particular time, and try and have a little compassion for them. As they may be very sad, and feel like their world is being unraveled before them.

Be safe, and remember to always question the "official narrative".