The Grief Process Continues

I wanted to use this blog to discuss some of the stages of grief, of which I am still going through. 

The Process

Having a tiny bit of training in the social work field, I have been made aware of what grieving looks like, what to expect during the grieving process, and how to best comfort someone who is going through this. That said, I never expected to need to fall back on these lessons for myself. Additionally, "knowing" what the process looks like, or is supposed to look like, and being able to accept the process for ones self is definitely two very different sides of the same coin, so to speak. Being where I am now, and taking into consideration the crazy, and unrealistic way of the world right now, at least in the state I live in currently, I would like to be able to take a walk with a friend, and discuss how I am feeling. This is normal for someone going through the grieving process, and it helps to have someone to "lean on" in the difficult situation that going through the process brings on. However, until such time as my state lifts all the fear based limited way it is operating, or I move to another state, I myself am limited as to what resources I can use to move this energy. So far, I have experienced most of the process other than the last stage, acceptance. I have for sure been dealing with on going denial and anger. I might have even went through some depression early on, as I am feeling better, physically, and emotionally now. I believe I might have even experienced some of the bargaining of the process, but I can firmly attest that I am in no way accepting loosing my buddy just yet. I am playing around with the idea from day to day, but being stuck where I am, physically, and not being able to move right away brings on a whole different aspect of the process. Because I cared for my buddy for over ten years, there are many memories that I have of him doing certain things, and ways he would react if I did a specific task, say opening a can of chicken. Just thinking about these tasks, and memories can bring up emotions. So, That's where I am currently with my own process and dealing with it. 

For more information on the stages, read the following article - 

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/ 

Dealing With The Community

In addition to still having to deal with my own personal grieving, I am also having to deal with the continued asinine "logic" of the politics that is being used to propagate the idea of staying home and staying safe. At least in the state I live in. Luckily, I am able to travel an hour in two different ways and be in states that are fully opened. I use the option of traveling to change my scenery every little while so I can get out of my house, and stop feeling so depressed, and empty. However, being out in the community brings on another level of frustration from the "puppets" I see walking around with face gags on just "following orders" without even questioning anything. So, at times, because of how the world is right now, and how I am still processing all of my emotions, I feel somewhat "volatile" when I go out, and see all the people falling in line believing the propaganda hook, line, and sinker. Obviously, this is not an ideal situation for me, but I do my best to cope and take it one step at a time. 

Another Issue To Take On

To add to everything else that I have already discussed, I have to add trying to find a job, and working on my resume to the list. This has also been a frustrating and somewhat emotional time for me. From "graduating", which we didn't actually do, IE: no ceremonial walk across stage, to being a first gen student in a four year university, to putting myself out there in a totally different field for my new career, it's been a very stress filled time in my life. I'm happy that I did graduate, and to have a diploma to prove it, but again, because of the propaganda that most of society is still buying into, my entire graduation and celebration was wrecked. Now, and forever more, I will be connected to the class of 2020, and I'm sure history will record my class as one of the most difficult to have been a part of because of everything that happened. 

I hold to the hope that some day, one day soon, everything will get back to "normal". However, if I say "I can't wait for everything to get back to normal" out in the community, everyone has been so programmed to believe, and accept where we are now as the "new norm" that inevitably, someone will say "oh, this IS the new normal". Then I get all frustrated again, and feel the need to remove myself from the situation. 

At any rate, I hope that you and yours are doing well, and continue to push against the establishment, and it's propaganda based "official narrative". 

I will leave you with this quote today: Think for yourself, or others will think for you without thinking of you. - Henry David Thoreau 

D